my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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