i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
