They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
