I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I forget how to act sober
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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