isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
