dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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