someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
