yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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