I smell stomach acid.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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