im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
