if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
