I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
