Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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