I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
