So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
