you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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