party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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