yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
