just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
