I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
