The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is Oprah even human
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize