so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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