well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize