I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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