Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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