Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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