I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
