I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
