there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
