So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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