apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
