I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
