I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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