Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
