you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
