a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
