Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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