i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
