Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
