Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
