I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Me too!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
