I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
