Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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