my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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