I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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