My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize