beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize