They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
