in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
