Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
