Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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