you would pick up someone in the library
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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