Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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