So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
