Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
