Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
