I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
