i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
