I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
