I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
