After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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