I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
