You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
