apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
