Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
