I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you would pick up someone in the library
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
