Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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