Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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