Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
