You work out of a Hotel?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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