at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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