Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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