I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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