All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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