Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
